"Hello. What are you doing?" Guilt and Anxiety both traipsed into my bedroom one sunny afternoon. They spread out languidly on my bed and murmured something quietly between themselves.
"What do you want?" I asked them. These two refused to leave me alone, following me any and everywhere. They had been around so much that I was actually starting to get used to them.
"Where's Worry?" It wasn't like I cared where she was, but I was curious.
Anxiety snickered. "Miss her, eh?"
"No, not really." I turned back to the book I was reading. "Resting," by Faith. Over the pages I saw Guilt jab Anxiety in the elbows.
She opened her mouth to speak, but I sighed, "Why can't you just leave me alone? I really want to read this, and I'm starting to get sick of you."
"Sure ya are." Guilt reached over and grabbed the book out of my hands.
"You know we just want to help you be a better person. That's all we're trying to do!" Anxiety was the sweetest of the two. "And on that note, shouldn't you be doing something more..." she paused, as if searching for the right word. I knew what she would say. "Productive?"
I tried to grab the book back, but Guilt held it away from me and she was stronger than I expected.
"Give it back, please. I don't need to explain myself to you!"
"Oh, but you know we're right, don't you?" Anxiety whispered sweetly. She was close beside me now. She put her arm around my shoulder, gently patting my arm. "Remember we're just trying to help you be better, stronger -- you know, the girl you should be."
Guilt began to read the cover of the book aloud. "Resting?" She spat out with a vicious snort. "By Faith? You don't actually believe in this garbage do you?"
I opened my mouth to speak, then stopped. I thought quickly of all the things I could do with the free time I had right now. But no, I didn't need to justify myself. Faith was right about Resting and I didn't need to...
Guilt saw where my thoughts were headed and broke in. "Okay, you're in way over your head here. You definitely need us. Just think where you'd be if you took Faith's advice!" She readjusted her position and held my wrists firmly. I tried to free myself of them in a weak attempt, but she held on tight and like I said, she was strong.
They were quiet for a moment, then Anxiety spoke again. "You know, I don't want to pressure you, but everyone else is working right now. You should be doing your part too."
"But..." She had a point there, I thought. I didn't know what to say. Maybe I was in over my head.
"You don't want to be the weak link, the failure, the irresponsible slacker... do you?" She pressed further, staring into my wide eyes with a look of hard concentration.
"Do you?" She repeated. I felt Anxiety tighten her grip on my shoulder and her pats turned into a painful squeeze.
I closed my eyes and hung my head, but didn't answer.
Guilt was growing impatient. "It's Faith or us, you know. You can't have us both. Make a choice."
Tears began to fall. I began to weep bitterly, feeling angry and trapped. What if Faith was wrong about Resting? What if Guilt was right?
Then, through my broken sobbing I heard Guilt whisper to Anxiety quietly, but with a definite exultant air: "We got her now."
At this, I understood. It was a game to them. And I also remembered. It was a lie, and I knew it. I knew better than to doubt Faith! Listen to Guilt and Anxiety?! Had they ever been right? I knew they never had -- except about one thing: it was a choice. Them or Faith.
My mind began to work fast. My tears dried. I looked up with fresh defiance burning in my eyes.
"You... you're wrong." I hissed.
"What?" Guilt was shocked at my intensity. Anxiety's mouth dropped.
"Yes! You are!" This time I stared them down.
"Remember, it's Faith or..."
"I choose Faith." I said. They both looked at me skeptically. I grabbed the book from Guilt's flaccid hands.
"I choose Faith!" I shouted it this time, laughing with joy at the freedom in those words. I smirked triumphantly and leaned back against my bed pillows. They didn't move.
"Now get... out."
That was two weeks ago and I haven't seen them since. I know they don't like how much time I spend with Victory and Freedom, but frankly, I don't care.
Christina,
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a new discovery for me...but you are a gifted writer! I'm glad you have decided to blog. (It is very artsy and beautiful, by the way.) I look forward to joining you on your journey.
Much love,
Amy