That's What I Thought

(The italics, by the way, are merely the side of my brain that knows the reality. The other is my human tendency, that without Christ and the light of His reality, is clearly a mess.) 

Body Image 

Oh, wow. She's pretty. Way prettier than me. 

Don't be silly. You're pretty too. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they all say.
They say it because it's true, Christina.

Whatever. They're just trying to make me feel good. 

You're so stubborn. 

Look. All I know is that I definitely do not have hair like that and I'm not nearly as skinny as she is.

You don't need to be. 

But what if I do? I know I could be skinnier. I'm sure I'd be happier. 

Not if you have that attitude! Get real, girl. 

What's wrong with my attitude? 

You know what's wrong!  

...

Don't you want to be free of this obsession over your body image? 

I... yes. Yes, I do.  

That's what I thought.  

Skills

I'll never be as good at writing as Jane Austen.
Christina, don't...

Or Leo Tolstoy.

Chr...

Or the Bronte sisters! *mental sob*

...

Hello? Where are you? Aren't you supposed to tell me I'm good at writing and creative and all that stuff?

... 

I knew it! I knew I was a failure. I'll never be good enough to do anything great. All I want to do is write something wonderful for Jesus. Is that so much to ask? 

...

...

...

You're right. I'm sorry. Please come back. 

Whatever talent you have is what God gave you. You know that. 

Yes, I do. 

You don't write anything on your own anyway, right?

Right. God always gives me the words I need to say. 

So stop comparing yourself! Would you trade places with any one of your favorite authors?

No. 

Would you trade the freedom you have in Jesus for their bondage to sin and literature?

No! 

That's what I thought. 

Imperfect

I am just... 

Not who you should be. I know.

You do? 

Yep. Better than anyone.

No wait, that's not what I was going to say. 

Well, I can't help that. You've gotta start realizing it sometime.

Realizing what? 

That's you're not who you should be! How many times do I have to say it?

But I am! I'm trusting. On my own, I'm not enough, but Jesus is my perfection. 

...

And as long as I'm trusting and obeying Him, I am perfect. 

...

I'm exactly who I should be.

...

That's what I thought.