Two Open Hands

It's a sunny day. Outside it feels like Spring and inside my heart and brain I feel calm and happy.

But it's not like that everyday (inside; obviously it's not sunny outside everyday). And sometimes, it's scary. To feel strong and confident one day; vulnerable and unsure the next.

I've been thinking how beautiful authentic Christianity is because it accounts for our weaknesses and helps us to grow and cope with our humanness. It doesn't require us to understand everything, to feel specific ways, to want everything we're "supposed" to want. It requires one thing: the humility to trust Jesus and let Him lead.

This has been impressed on me more and more throughout this week as I've felt all the "highs" of "good" days and the "lows" of the more challenging ones. It's been a temptation to be overwhelmed; to fear regression or going back. Sometimes I'll have perfect clarity on an issue in my life, and the next... it's all muddled and foggy.

It's in those times that I must have the humility to continue to trust. To trust that I'm safe and nothing has changed except for hormone or stress levels. To trust that all 24 hours of every single day, I'm in the center of the perfect will of God--and my soul has nothing to fear. To trust that as I keep choosing His will above mine, I have passed the test and the feelings are innocuous.

It's in those times that I imagine myself facing Jesus' two open hands. In one hand, I place everything: my anxieties, fears, feelings--my humanity. In the other, I put my own hand, and ask Him to continue to lead me through each day; to let my feelings follow my choices when He wants them to; to honor my choice of freedom and help me to walk free.